The hardware store is where I purchase my nuts. No, not my crazy followers, as even the crazy folks know better than to follow me. I don't even strike them as a very followable guru. Good! I am a cult of one. Which is quite enough. It is enough for me to put earwigs called truth into people's brains, of which they can never remove.
No, I'm talking about my pistachios. Sometimes they have them as impulse-buys at the checkout lanes in the hardware stores.
As I've said before, I keep my pistachios in my nutsack. Don't laugh, damn you, don't you laugh! Be serious for once in your life!
Can we not have for one split moment a serious discussion on pistachios and the sacks within which they are kept without someone in the audience laughing?!
Oh, my God, you people are hard to work with.
Anyway, moving on, I have also noticed that sometimes my nuts fall off. Oh, not my pistachios--after all, I keep them in the appropriate sack. I'm talking about the nuts the hardware stores were actually set-up to sell, rather than the impulse-buy sort of nuts at the checkout lanes.
You know, my screwing nuts.
Well, don't you know that the hardware stores also have a solution for that. Loctite is the name of this game, and it has kept my nuts in a very healthy condition, I am happy to report. Since I have been applying Loctite to my screwing nuts, they have not fallen off once.
And isn't that what we all really want in life? I mean Loctite. Often we go through life searching for the thing that will make us complete, when it was all right there in the hardware store. Both the nuts, and the thing that will prevent our nuts from screwing-off.
Now if that is not bliss, then I challenge anyone to think of something nuttier.
Boys will be girls.
Author (under a nom de plume) of "Jesus Is an Anarchist", Dec. 4, 2011, http://ssrn.com/abstract=1337761