While i have been a member here since 2005, i often stay away for long periods of time, which i regret. The Mistresses and sissies here speak to my heart, and so i always return. It has been a journey for me to be the homemaker i am today, more honest with myself and, of course, with Wife. As Her husband, i know i am a lucky sissy who doesn't deserve all of the blessings i have.
It wasn't always the case, as a child i was unhappy a lot of the time, i really didn't know myself very well, or at least i could not accept what i knew about myself. When i was 3, i got in trouble for trying on my mommy's lipstick. Then when i was about 12, i was almost caught when my Sister came home unexpectedly, and i was in Her room trying on Her dresses and underwear when i thought no one would be home. While i was in school, i was teased and bullied a lot by the real boys who could sense my difference, even before i knew what it was. Never was interested in sports or shop classes, i liked to read and play make believe until i was the oldest one in the group still not going on dates or getting laid. Girls liked to hang out with me, but never even let me get to first base, and as a very horny teenager (a pleonasm - the opposite of an oxymoron), i so wanted to be accepted and liked by Females that i pretended to be "Cool", a stereotypical macho male. For a while this helped, and i was still a virgin when Wife met me.
Pretending to be more experienced than i was, i convinced Her to love me and make love with me, and i feel that was the luckiest part of my life, and later i confessed i had never been with a Woman until Her. However, since She had fallen for the pretend me, i kept pretending for about 20 years. After 7 years, i strayed one time, the only time i had sex with a Woman besides Her. It was not cheating, W/we had agreed to have an open marriage from the beginning since B/both of us had been inexperienced when W/we met, and being the "macho" guy, i had insisted O/our marriage would be better served if W/we could have sexual experiences with others. It was 1969, the summer of love, when W/we married. Shortly after that, though, She fell for another guy, and for about three months, we separated. She and Her lover eventually went different ways, i think he was a disappointment to Her, and W/we got counseling and eventually got back together. While apart, i had no other lovers, She was all i wanted. The thoughts of being Her cuckold during this time gives me joy now, but then i was only sad and lonely, and grateful when She allowed me back into Her life.
For years i tried to get Wife interested in Femdom porn, humiliation and such, but She wasn't having any of it. She didn't like the bait and switch, it was unfair so i tried to act like a real man, but i couldn't keep living a lie. W/we raised a family, kids and pets and i gradually became more and more aware of what i really needed to feel healthy, and that was to lose my act and surrender to Female dominance. While in this state, i did so much to try and get Her to dominate me, i did lots of the chores and was a very good husband, at least all of Her Girlfriends would remark on my helpfulness, and their husbands would deride me as PW, so i was starting on the right path. Once the children were grown and moved out, W/we took a camping trip. Far from home and familiar surroundings, i broke down, crying like a baby, begging Her to dominate me. She took pity on me, and offered to try it one weekend a month.
During the following 23 years, She has learned to enjoy the power exchange, i have been allowed to explore the sissy within, and life today is so much better. During the working years, i became more and more Her domestic maid, though there were certainly ups and downs. Mostly i would rebel against Her and She would quit, but W/we always came back to it. Besides chores, She also took over authority for who could be my friends, financial decisions and discipline. Now that i am retired, i do all of the chores, cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands, shopping, sewing and such, while She is working a part time job that She loves. She still refuses to let me out of the house as a sissy, but i accept Her wisdom and will obey. If i screw up, i do get punished, and it has surprised me to find that She seems to enjoy hurting me when She feels i deserve it. The pain She causes physically is almost as bad as the pain i feel when i think i've disappointed Her, well sometimes i don't know which i hate the most. After all, i am a sissy, i really don't like being punished, so i try very hard to be on my best behavior.
One reason i came back to this site was that Wife had mentioned having someone dominate Her. She is reading 50 Shades of Grey, and it got Her interested in trying out the other side. This book is very erotic and about a D/s relationship with a Male Dom and a submissive girl. Since there is no way i could possible have pulled it off - look, i want to please Her but i am just not able to pretend i am not a girly sissy anymore - i thought maybe one of the Mistresses here might be able to help. They so obviously know us sissies so well, and i though that they might be able to satisfy Her. Well, after i set up the call, She decided that getting dominated really wasn't for Her, no big surprise there, but W/we had a chat with Ms. Delia who helped us a lot by giving insight into how She could get even more enjoyment out of being Mistress to me and getting more out of me, which i want to provide to Her. During the call, it turned out that my input was not needed, so Ms. Delia had Her stuff Her panties into my mouth for a gag, which She found to be very handy to keep me quiet. Also, i found out that i will benefit from being put into a chastity device, which is already ordered and on the way.
Although She tells me that i am not going to be allowed to be a sissy homemaker all of the time, because She still expects the ebb and flow of Her dominance to need me to pretend to be masculine sometimes, i think once She finds Herself a keyholder, She may change Her mind. In any case, i am very glad to have come back to this site to be with so many similarly minded, girly friends with whom i can share my experiences, hopes and dreams.
Obedience, service, surrender